Cristiano Ronaldo and Piers Morgan’s Interview Branded a Masterclass in Mutual Delusion

Cristiano Ronaldo has sat down with Piers Morgan again, and if their 2022 Manchester United interview was an explosive car crash, this latest one was more like being trapped in an elevator with a fart — awkward, lingering, and deeply unpleasant.

Piers doesn’t so much interview Cristiano Ronaldo as serenade him, like a lovestruck slice of cheddar worshipping a mirror. The pair’s so-called “chat” felt as natural as Wayne Rooney’s hairline, and just as convincing.

During their mutual love-in, Cristiano Ronaldo served up a buffet of delusional nonsense. He insisted that it’s harder to score in the Saudi Pro League than in La Liga — a claim roughly equivalent to saying it’s tougher to get a hole-in-one at pub golf than at the Masters. Then, with a straight face, he declared that he’s “not that bothered” about winning the World Cup.

This from the same man who, after Portugal were knocked out of Qatar 2022, sobbed like an Arsenal fan being reminded they’ve reached as many Champions League finals as Spurs. It’s about as believable as someone saying, “Lee Dixon is a great pundit.”

What’s truly staggering is how much time Cristiano Ronaldo spent talking about his money. He mentioned his wealth more than Keir Starmer mentions that his dad was a toolmaker. Honestly, the whole thing was so painful it made Prince Andrew’s Newsnight interview look like Frost/Nixon.

An Absolutely VARce

Liverpool’s weekend defeat to Manchester City was a masterclass in futility. They deserved exactly what Mohamed Salah contributes outside the final third — absolutely nothing. Yet somehow, the worst moment came courtesy of VAR, which disallowed Virgil van Dijk’s equaliser for reasons known only to those who’ve memorised the fine print of Law 11.

Apparently, Andy Robertson was standing somewhere in Gianluigi Donnarumma’s postcode, and that was enough for VAR to swoop in like the fun police at a student house party. To claim Robertson obstructed the keeper is as daft as imagining Roy Keane in a tutu. He was miles away — just like Liverpool are from the Premier League title.

This wasn’t football justice. It was a parking ticket because your tyre grazed the white line. VAR has stopped being about fairness; it’s now a bureaucratic exercise in pedantry, where officials seem desperate to prove they’ve memorised every sub-clause in the handbook.

We were promised “clear and obvious.” Instead, we’ve got “subjective and tedious.” It’s the biggest letdown since Florian Wirtz hype videos.

Football Fans Aren’t Paying Attention

Watching Thibaut Courtois turn into an impenetrable wall against Liverpool last week sparked a debate: is he the best goalkeeper of his generation? He might be. But the fact people are only now realising it is almost as satisfying as watching Jude Bellingham over-celebrate a tap-in against Osasuna.

Courtois has been world-class since 2013. Yet at Chelsea, he was treated like the Yahoo to David de Gea’s Google. The only thing that’s changed is the shirt — and the fact De Gea now handles footballs like he’s wearing oven mitts.

The truth is, most fans simply don’t pay attention. Harry Kane spent a decade scoring for fun at Spurs, and all anyone could say was, “Yeah, but has he won a trophy?” Now he’s putting four past Heidenheim and suddenly it’s “Ballon d’Or next year!” The hypocrisy is breathtaking.

Well done, internet football experts — you’ve finally caught up. Pity you’ll never realise just how late you are to the party.